the end

yup! well said just for you . well yes im sorry that im allergic to your bullshits . haha shits happened and seriously you making things worst all over again . well actually i dont even wanna argue , i just wanna be happy . its not that hard right ? and yes im happy , really happy when finally i let you go cause you know why ? i think i deserve someone better . someone who'll appreaciate and cherished me or maybe , respect me . yes RESPECT  . not the one who dumped me and make me look likka fool crying over things that really not even worth it . i dont need guys who think they are smart and can do whutever they want as and when they like cause yknow whut ? your just so stupid . stupid to do all those things . those things is not helping you to make things right , but everything just went so wrong . by taking my stuffs , you think im coming back crying to you and scared of loosing you ? well obviously i dont . those things is not as important for me (: i aint gonna do anything about it cause why ? its not worth it . fuck you and everything cause i really wish you could just atleast accept the fact and atleast wake up and see if there's any girls that can tolerate you like i did ? even how many shits youve done to me , im still there for you .is there any girls that cried so hard for you ? is there any other girls that seriously spend her time almost everyday 24/7 with you ? is there any girls sacrificed for you ? is there any girls cook for you and pass you food ? is there any other girls that can treat you good like i did ? if there is then its good for you . just so i hope you'll be better and  take good care of her for your future . not dumped her by the road leave her crying waiting for cab without any of her belongings okay ? not to make her look stupid hailing for a cab crying to the taxi driver to send her home.not to leave her all alone under the blk feeling cold . just dont . dont make her look like an idiot like me (: let her be happy , smile and laugh cause thats whut all girls really want . a girl needs attention from a guy and a guy should always be there for his girl , a guy should trust his girl if the guy really love her . a guy should not spouting nonsense to the girl. a guy should not think negatively for her . a guy should always listen to her and understand her . a guy should be there for her and motivate her on everything she did . a guy should be faithful and loyal and also a guy should not dissapoint his girl . lesson learnt , and i thanked you for making me learnt my mistakes and also making me realised that all this while i've been wasting my efforts and time just for you . i can foresee that my next would be way better than this and i would thank you cause im stronger now . strong enough to let you go (: so long and goodbye , AqilFakhururazi ^.^

2014

just had to let it out here just to make me feel better , fuck on how things happened and shits happened . the fuck that every shits i did i really have to let go of everything just fuck everything seriously . i kindda miss you but there's nothing i could do , we wont be able to meet each other and be together again . i was faking my smile all this while showing you how happy i am when im actually not . yes im mad , mad because of you but yknow this madness from me would heal down if you do something about it . i thought we could make it happen but i guess my thoughts were all gone to waste . i pray for your health and for you . be safe and have a pleasant life with whoever you are with . im sorry if im always the one that has been the shitty one but you should know , deep down in my heart , im still luving you even if i have to hide this pain away , goodbye . xo .

if you're reading this , please bare with me cause i guess this is gonna be a long post for me . well b , i know i never been your best . i know im not your first , i know im stubborn enough for you , i know i've hurt you but you should know , you did the same way towards me too . i know throughout our 8th month being together it may be sucks sometimes but believe me b ,thats whut relationship are for , we always do have our ups and downs and thats whut true rs was . without you being with me thru these past few days , its totally different . i really miss you and i really need you now . i want you to be here beside me pampering me like how you used to . i want you to be here with me and play with my hair till i fall asleep on your chest . i want you to always be here with me . i really miss you . 

i went over to your crib yesterday and spent my time with your familia . i enjoyed that cause i can get along with your parents and siblings and also your grandmom . im really thankful that there were there for me even if your not here with us . despite that , things are never the same without you around . things and surroundings are just way too different . your always there w me at your crib , but now .... i felt the missing you . i really miss you . 

everyday without fail , i cant stop thinking about you . all i really wish for is for you to return home as soon as possible . i really need you ajip , i miss you damn alot . please dont ever do this kindda stupid stuffs again and leave me all alone here . i really have no one to talk to . i really have nowhere to go to and i really dont know whut would i be without you . you should know , i love you . please come back cause i really got tons of stories to share with you . please come back and bring me to the places that i've never been before . please come back and hug me just to ensure that i am ok . please come back with your kisses on my face to tell me how much i mean to you . please come back and bring me to the places where we usually go . please come back and i want to tell you how much you mean to me and how much i love you . baby , your the best i ever had . i know i didnt treat you good , but i promise this time round i will . i will shower you with love and will always be there with you okay sayang ? me love you alot . really . and i mean it . mwa . 

i love you .

i remembered those days where we promised not to leave one another even how hard the situation is, i remembered how much you told me you loved me and wont ever wanna hurt me . i remembered every single thing that you've told me but look whut have we become now . i miss you ajip . i hope you are doing good inside , i will wait for ya . i cant deny , even how hurt i am , i still cant even let you go . always wanna try to walk away from your life but there's always a stop between us telling me not to go . i hope , once you are out , we could be better . i miss the old us . i hate it when it comes to a point where we argue almost everyday . i hate it when it comes to a point where you lied to me just because you dont want to hurt me but yknow whut ? the truth hurts me more . i miss you ajip . please come home fast . i remembered all your advices you've told me before you went inside . i wont dissapoint you this time round . sorry for everything . i should have told you how much you mea to me before you went in . but its ok  , im still waiting for your letter and im really looking forward to visit you . i will always be here when you need me even how much pain you have caused me , i wont stop loving you . see you real soon my boo , miss you :( 

if you are reading this , do you remember all this ? well the very first time of us go out when i accompany you for takraw remember ? the time when i started to fall for you . the time when we were contacting . the time when we were like lovebirds . the time when we teased each other with our stupid jokes . the time when we called each other "awak " " saya " trust me i still do remember every single thing about us . the time when we were about to get attached together but certain things happened in the middle . we lost contact and we go to our own ways . well my heart skipped a beat about whut had happened when we had to stop contacting and meet each other because of some personal things started to happened . sumpah demi allah , i started to love you but i kept it to myself after we had to go our own ways . its a waste that we did that cause if not , we could have be happily together till now . but jodoh tak kemana , we met again after a few months of not contacting and thats where we meet at jurong point for our dinner . thats the most happiest day of my life to get to meet you again . if only you knew . then finally we are together and you've been the best boyf i ever had . you've been trying so hard to spent your time all on me . remember we used to go out every single day without fail and go to some places to camwhore ? i really enjoyed that cause you always have some plans for me even last mins plan with you can make me soo happy . then day by day , things happened , we changed once after you served your NS . too many stuffs happened till we had to go our own ways again and yes thats the second time of us going away . after a month of us being alone , we met again and here we are finally together till now . 5 months being with you , nothing else i could ask for , you are the best . please , i dont want to loose you again . i had enough of shits . lets us focus more on us and heck care about others ok ? lets be happy together and do everything together . few more days for you to POP im so proud of you my dear boyfriend . we managed to stay this far  , so please maintain this way ok . no more nonsense please . i love you so much . very much i could say . please dont ever leave me again . please . xoxo

meaningless

another meaningless night for me tonight . as usual im invisible in the house . no one saw me like i dont even exist .well i know im not a good daughter to both of my parents but i dont understand why they cant understand me . do they even think of me ? all i can see is their busy with their daughter and their son while me ? no attention was given . for them , im the only one who's been giving them problems . always the one who is troublesome . always the bad one and the feeling kindda sucks . i have my own reasons why but they just dont get it . doesnt mean i dont say a word means im fine . im fucking dont know whut am i feeling . daa takde perasaan pon nak rasa . there are some things that they have to know , i party because no one care about me , they thought i went to party just to enjoy myself up but they dont know that i party because i just wanna make myself happy . they dont know the reason why i party . i party because they make me to party . i party so that i could get rid of stress . i party so that i dont have to think anything . all i wanna be is just being happy . but they dont see it . i cant stay at home and i always go out . they dont understand why do i go out . i go out because i dont know whut to do at home cause no one talk to me . i go out because i know i do have a life out here . i go out so that i could kill this boredom of mine . i go out because i just wanna be happy and not to think about anything . but they dont get it . yes i went out late and come home late but they dont know the reason why i did that . they dont know that i came home late because i know no one would care . i went home late because i feel that im not important to them . i went home late so that they have their time enjoying at home with their daughter and their son . i went home late because i dont want to disturb their moments . i went home late because i dont want to be the burden for them to make me feel left out at home . i went home late so that i could spend myself outside with the people that understand me and be happy . yes i was stubborn . i was stubborn because i felt like there's no use of me staying in this house . im stubborn because i know whutever i do is nothing for me . they dont see the best of me , all they say was the bad side of me . its true that im happy enough because atleast they took care of me , my health , my expenses and my meals but i know i dont belong here . i miss my real mom and my dad but i dont show it . i dont show it because i know my dreams wont ever come true . whut i want is to just meet my real mom and dad and spent my time with them but its difficult for me cause they've divorced ever since i was small and my life is in a mess . they dont know that everything is actually their fault . because of them , their daughter become like this . they only think of themselves when doing decision without thinking of me .am i that bad or whut ? they dont even think of my future all they think was their own good . now look at me ? whut do i left ? im left with nothing . i stayed with my uncle and aunty when i was small till now . glad that they took care of me till im all grown up now but for sure i do need my mom and dad too . now where are they ? busy with their life without even thinking of me . all they thought was that im happy with my life and been enjoying themselves . yes im happy , happy on the outside . but inside ? am i happy ? for sure im not .do i even exist towards them ? no im not . no one understand me . no one . everyone thought that im the bad one but do they know why i become like this ? because no attention was given from them since im small k . so please stop blaming me for becoming like this . i tried so hard to be good but no one see it . all they saw was that im the bad person . maybe they'll realised it and notice everything only after im gone . but at that time , all i gotta say is , its too late . toooo late to notice everything . all i want is just to be happy . and im still trying to find the happiness in me . goodnight .

my love my life my apple of my eye

im back again w my blogging after so long of neglecting it . well blogging helps me to let out everything on whut i feel inside and outside of my heart . to make it short , i share all my feelings and thoughts thru blogging cause i know blogging makes me feel so much better . well i had a great quality time with my boyf after those misunderstandings among us . know whut ? i feel so empty without him around my side cause he has been the only one that have always been by my side and know me inside out of me . im so much happier whenever he's around me . always give me all this time with me despite of him having difficult time with his NS life . but so far , as i can see , we changed to be better . well i cant say that i do have a perfect r/s but by having him by my side , he makes everything perfect . its true that we had our ups and downs but through all those shits , it makes us stronger so that we know our mistakes and we learn from it . thanks for everything b . nothing much i could tell you , its just that i want you to know that i do love you so deeply inside of me . im nothing when your not around . i've lost you once and i cant bare to lose you again for the second time . well everyone deserve second chance isnt it ? after a month of us not contacting and all , i felt nothing . im lonely . no one is there for me . none understand me .  no one is there t bring me out almost every weekends . no one b . trust me , thats the very miserable feeling ever . its true that i tried so hard to move on so that i could get rid of you but my mission is failed . i tried so hard . i lied if i told you that im over you . im still not over you . your still there in my mind everywhere i go . now i hope this time round we could make it thru , we're almost going to half a year and i hope we'll last . i had enough of shits . sorry if all this while im always the one thats giving you troubles . always show you my attitude and not giving the best of me to show you how much i love you . well i sucks at showing you but i'll try ok ? i'll do anything just for you b hehe . thanks for being so understanding nowadays . i hope this behaviour of yours will remain like this forever as long as we are together . maybe im not your first , but i'll show you that i'll be your last . maybe i cant give you everything that you wants , but i'll try to work hard for it to make you happy . maybe i cant be the best of the best but i will do it for you . maybe i cant be like those girls who'll always hang outs with their bfs but im sure one fine day we will . we'll grow old together ok . i cant promise you anything for now but i know it will come true. lots of love from me to you . love you forever my dear sweetheart . see you tommorow . xoxo

tonight , i felt something is not right somewhere . i just felt that somethings around me is telling me that there's something fishy going on . its really hard for me to know which is which but well maybe im too insecure over nothing . these few days , i dont feel quite good cause idk whut is it that my heart actually wanted to tell me . but hell fucking fuck , i just felt that something bad is really happening . i hope this is just my feelings , i hope this isnt real cause im not ready to face any shits yet . all i was hoping for was the best of me and my boyf . i miss my boyf alot now . i just felt nothing when he's not around and i hope he knows that all this while i love only him . if he didnt see(s) it maybe because i didnt give the best of me to show him but i hope he realised it one day on how big is my love towards him . i dont ask for more when i have him by my side . really b , i do love you alot . please do take note that i dont want to lose you for the second time . please i said please . -ikaaizzuenia- xoxo .

shits do happen in our life sometimes . as always , problems after  problems keeps on catching you but all you have to do is to sit down and chill and keep telling to yourself that everything is gonna be alright . in r/s there's always ups and downs . times when we were happy and times when we were sad .  i cant tell that im having a perfect r/s but hey , in r/s there's always obstacles and challenges in it . and its because its testing us whether or not we could cope it  . arguments and quarreling is normal for a start and im glad that even after a while we've argued , we get back normally and settle things down in a slow talk and in a nice way . i dont know why but i really find the r/s im having now is different . its hard for me to handle . but i know , patience is there to accompany me all this while . after knowing ajip , i can see he is the type of a guy if he loves someone , he is willing to do anything for his women including sacrifice all his time eventho he's tired . he is willing to do anything for me , sacrifice all his time just on me and to know that im safe under his protection . i have to admit , he is also a strong guy whom never give up easily even how hard the situation is . im sorry if im always making the trouble all this while , i just hope after the talk that we had confessed towards each other , will make our r/s become stronger . just so you know , i love you with whole lot of my heart (: no other is capable of being as sweet as you . thank you dear xx . he's trying to understand me , going out with my friends while he is in camp so that it can kill my boredom after 5 days of being alone outside . have some time with my friends is not a problem afterall . where else friends are the important people in my life , they are the reason why we are happy everyday by giving us all their supports and by giving us all the good advices so that we're not stressed out too much . special thanks to my boyfriend for being an understanding one . and also i believe that in r/s we need to have trust on each other and trust is very important for me . and im glad that both of us has put the trust on each other so that its easy for us to cope on our r/s . i promise , i wont let you down . i'll be your last , you want to be my husband remember ? so lets make it happen . love you b , thanks for everything . i dont know whut more to show you how big is my love for you . you are the reason why im looking forward to everyday and also the reason why love is special for me . till we meet again on your bookout day love , me love you alot  . 

with love , your girlfriend - ikaaizzuenia xoxo