meaningless

another meaningless night for me tonight . as usual im invisible in the house . no one saw me like i dont even exist .well i know im not a good daughter to both of my parents but i dont understand why they cant understand me . do they even think of me ? all i can see is their busy with their daughter and their son while me ? no attention was given . for them , im the only one who's been giving them problems . always the one who is troublesome . always the bad one and the feeling kindda sucks . i have my own reasons why but they just dont get it . doesnt mean i dont say a word means im fine . im fucking dont know whut am i feeling . daa takde perasaan pon nak rasa . there are some things that they have to know , i party because no one care about me , they thought i went to party just to enjoy myself up but they dont know that i party because i just wanna make myself happy . they dont know the reason why i party . i party because they make me to party . i party so that i could get rid of stress . i party so that i dont have to think anything . all i wanna be is just being happy . but they dont see it . i cant stay at home and i always go out . they dont understand why do i go out . i go out because i dont know whut to do at home cause no one talk to me . i go out because i know i do have a life out here . i go out so that i could kill this boredom of mine . i go out because i just wanna be happy and not to think about anything . but they dont get it . yes i went out late and come home late but they dont know the reason why i did that . they dont know that i came home late because i know no one would care . i went home late because i feel that im not important to them . i went home late so that they have their time enjoying at home with their daughter and their son . i went home late because i dont want to disturb their moments . i went home late because i dont want to be the burden for them to make me feel left out at home . i went home late so that i could spend myself outside with the people that understand me and be happy . yes i was stubborn . i was stubborn because i felt like there's no use of me staying in this house . im stubborn because i know whutever i do is nothing for me . they dont see the best of me , all they say was the bad side of me . its true that im happy enough because atleast they took care of me , my health , my expenses and my meals but i know i dont belong here . i miss my real mom and my dad but i dont show it . i dont show it because i know my dreams wont ever come true . whut i want is to just meet my real mom and dad and spent my time with them but its difficult for me cause they've divorced ever since i was small and my life is in a mess . they dont know that everything is actually their fault . because of them , their daughter become like this . they only think of themselves when doing decision without thinking of me .am i that bad or whut ? they dont even think of my future all they think was their own good . now look at me ? whut do i left ? im left with nothing . i stayed with my uncle and aunty when i was small till now . glad that they took care of me till im all grown up now but for sure i do need my mom and dad too . now where are they ? busy with their life without even thinking of me . all they thought was that im happy with my life and been enjoying themselves . yes im happy , happy on the outside . but inside ? am i happy ? for sure im not .do i even exist towards them ? no im not . no one understand me . no one . everyone thought that im the bad one but do they know why i become like this ? because no attention was given from them since im small k . so please stop blaming me for becoming like this . i tried so hard to be good but no one see it . all they saw was that im the bad person . maybe they'll realised it and notice everything only after im gone . but at that time , all i gotta say is , its too late . toooo late to notice everything . all i want is just to be happy . and im still trying to find the happiness in me . goodnight .