if you are reading this , do you remember all this ? well the very first time of us go out when i accompany you for takraw remember ? the time when i started to fall for you . the time when we were contacting . the time when we were like lovebirds . the time when we teased each other with our stupid jokes . the time when we called each other "awak " " saya " trust me i still do remember every single thing about us . the time when we were about to get attached together but certain things happened in the middle . we lost contact and we go to our own ways . well my heart skipped a beat about whut had happened when we had to stop contacting and meet each other because of some personal things started to happened . sumpah demi allah , i started to love you but i kept it to myself after we had to go our own ways . its a waste that we did that cause if not , we could have be happily together till now . but jodoh tak kemana , we met again after a few months of not contacting and thats where we meet at jurong point for our dinner . thats the most happiest day of my life to get to meet you again . if only you knew . then finally we are together and you've been the best boyf i ever had . you've been trying so hard to spent your time all on me . remember we used to go out every single day without fail and go to some places to camwhore ? i really enjoyed that cause you always have some plans for me even last mins plan with you can make me soo happy . then day by day , things happened , we changed once after you served your NS . too many stuffs happened till we had to go our own ways again and yes thats the second time of us going away . after a month of us being alone , we met again and here we are finally together till now . 5 months being with you , nothing else i could ask for , you are the best . please , i dont want to loose you again . i had enough of shits . lets us focus more on us and heck care about others ok ? lets be happy together and do everything together . few more days for you to POP im so proud of you my dear boyfriend . we managed to stay this far  , so please maintain this way ok . no more nonsense please . i love you so much . very much i could say . please dont ever leave me again . please . xoxo

meaningless

another meaningless night for me tonight . as usual im invisible in the house . no one saw me like i dont even exist .well i know im not a good daughter to both of my parents but i dont understand why they cant understand me . do they even think of me ? all i can see is their busy with their daughter and their son while me ? no attention was given . for them , im the only one who's been giving them problems . always the one who is troublesome . always the bad one and the feeling kindda sucks . i have my own reasons why but they just dont get it . doesnt mean i dont say a word means im fine . im fucking dont know whut am i feeling . daa takde perasaan pon nak rasa . there are some things that they have to know , i party because no one care about me , they thought i went to party just to enjoy myself up but they dont know that i party because i just wanna make myself happy . they dont know the reason why i party . i party because they make me to party . i party so that i could get rid of stress . i party so that i dont have to think anything . all i wanna be is just being happy . but they dont see it . i cant stay at home and i always go out . they dont understand why do i go out . i go out because i dont know whut to do at home cause no one talk to me . i go out because i know i do have a life out here . i go out so that i could kill this boredom of mine . i go out because i just wanna be happy and not to think about anything . but they dont get it . yes i went out late and come home late but they dont know the reason why i did that . they dont know that i came home late because i know no one would care . i went home late because i feel that im not important to them . i went home late so that they have their time enjoying at home with their daughter and their son . i went home late because i dont want to disturb their moments . i went home late because i dont want to be the burden for them to make me feel left out at home . i went home late so that i could spend myself outside with the people that understand me and be happy . yes i was stubborn . i was stubborn because i felt like there's no use of me staying in this house . im stubborn because i know whutever i do is nothing for me . they dont see the best of me , all they say was the bad side of me . its true that im happy enough because atleast they took care of me , my health , my expenses and my meals but i know i dont belong here . i miss my real mom and my dad but i dont show it . i dont show it because i know my dreams wont ever come true . whut i want is to just meet my real mom and dad and spent my time with them but its difficult for me cause they've divorced ever since i was small and my life is in a mess . they dont know that everything is actually their fault . because of them , their daughter become like this . they only think of themselves when doing decision without thinking of me .am i that bad or whut ? they dont even think of my future all they think was their own good . now look at me ? whut do i left ? im left with nothing . i stayed with my uncle and aunty when i was small till now . glad that they took care of me till im all grown up now but for sure i do need my mom and dad too . now where are they ? busy with their life without even thinking of me . all they thought was that im happy with my life and been enjoying themselves . yes im happy , happy on the outside . but inside ? am i happy ? for sure im not .do i even exist towards them ? no im not . no one understand me . no one . everyone thought that im the bad one but do they know why i become like this ? because no attention was given from them since im small k . so please stop blaming me for becoming like this . i tried so hard to be good but no one see it . all they saw was that im the bad person . maybe they'll realised it and notice everything only after im gone . but at that time , all i gotta say is , its too late . toooo late to notice everything . all i want is just to be happy . and im still trying to find the happiness in me . goodnight .

my love my life my apple of my eye

im back again w my blogging after so long of neglecting it . well blogging helps me to let out everything on whut i feel inside and outside of my heart . to make it short , i share all my feelings and thoughts thru blogging cause i know blogging makes me feel so much better . well i had a great quality time with my boyf after those misunderstandings among us . know whut ? i feel so empty without him around my side cause he has been the only one that have always been by my side and know me inside out of me . im so much happier whenever he's around me . always give me all this time with me despite of him having difficult time with his NS life . but so far , as i can see , we changed to be better . well i cant say that i do have a perfect r/s but by having him by my side , he makes everything perfect . its true that we had our ups and downs but through all those shits , it makes us stronger so that we know our mistakes and we learn from it . thanks for everything b . nothing much i could tell you , its just that i want you to know that i do love you so deeply inside of me . im nothing when your not around . i've lost you once and i cant bare to lose you again for the second time . well everyone deserve second chance isnt it ? after a month of us not contacting and all , i felt nothing . im lonely . no one is there for me . none understand me .  no one is there t bring me out almost every weekends . no one b . trust me , thats the very miserable feeling ever . its true that i tried so hard to move on so that i could get rid of you but my mission is failed . i tried so hard . i lied if i told you that im over you . im still not over you . your still there in my mind everywhere i go . now i hope this time round we could make it thru , we're almost going to half a year and i hope we'll last . i had enough of shits . sorry if all this while im always the one thats giving you troubles . always show you my attitude and not giving the best of me to show you how much i love you . well i sucks at showing you but i'll try ok ? i'll do anything just for you b hehe . thanks for being so understanding nowadays . i hope this behaviour of yours will remain like this forever as long as we are together . maybe im not your first , but i'll show you that i'll be your last . maybe i cant give you everything that you wants , but i'll try to work hard for it to make you happy . maybe i cant be the best of the best but i will do it for you . maybe i cant be like those girls who'll always hang outs with their bfs but im sure one fine day we will . we'll grow old together ok . i cant promise you anything for now but i know it will come true. lots of love from me to you . love you forever my dear sweetheart . see you tommorow . xoxo

tonight , i felt something is not right somewhere . i just felt that somethings around me is telling me that there's something fishy going on . its really hard for me to know which is which but well maybe im too insecure over nothing . these few days , i dont feel quite good cause idk whut is it that my heart actually wanted to tell me . but hell fucking fuck , i just felt that something bad is really happening . i hope this is just my feelings , i hope this isnt real cause im not ready to face any shits yet . all i was hoping for was the best of me and my boyf . i miss my boyf alot now . i just felt nothing when he's not around and i hope he knows that all this while i love only him . if he didnt see(s) it maybe because i didnt give the best of me to show him but i hope he realised it one day on how big is my love towards him . i dont ask for more when i have him by my side . really b , i do love you alot . please do take note that i dont want to lose you for the second time . please i said please . -ikaaizzuenia- xoxo .