if you are reading this , do you remember all this ? well the very first time of us go out when i accompany you for takraw remember ? the time when i started to fall for you . the time when we were contacting . the time when we were like lovebirds . the time when we teased each other with our stupid jokes . the time when we called each other "awak " " saya " trust me i still do remember every single thing about us . the time when we were about to get attached together but certain things happened in the middle . we lost contact and we go to our own ways . well my heart skipped a beat about whut had happened when we had to stop contacting and meet each other because of some personal things started to happened . sumpah demi allah , i started to love you but i kept it to myself after we had to go our own ways . its a waste that we did that cause if not , we could have be happily together till now . but jodoh tak kemana , we met again after a few months of not contacting and thats where we meet at jurong point for our dinner . thats the most happiest day of my life to get to meet you again . if only you knew . then finally we are together and you've been the best boyf i ever had . you've been trying so hard to spent your time all on me . remember we used to go out every single day without fail and go to some places to camwhore ? i really enjoyed that cause you always have some plans for me even last mins plan with you can make me soo happy . then day by day , things happened , we changed once after you served your NS . too many stuffs happened till we had to go our own ways again and yes thats the second time of us going away . after a month of us being alone , we met again and here we are finally together till now . 5 months being with you , nothing else i could ask for , you are the best . please , i dont want to loose you again . i had enough of shits . lets us focus more on us and heck care about others ok ? lets be happy together and do everything together . few more days for you to POP im so proud of you my dear boyfriend . we managed to stay this far  , so please maintain this way ok . no more nonsense please . i love you so much . very much i could say . please dont ever leave me again . please . xoxo

meaningless

another meaningless night for me tonight . as usual im invisible in the house . no one saw me like i dont even exist .well i know im not a good daughter to both of my parents but i dont understand why they cant understand me . do they even think of me ? all i can see is their busy with their daughter and their son while me ? no attention was given . for them , im the only one who's been giving them problems . always the one who is troublesome . always the bad one and the feeling kindda sucks . i have my own reasons why but they just dont get it . doesnt mean i dont say a word means im fine . im fucking dont know whut am i feeling . daa takde perasaan pon nak rasa . there are some things that they have to know , i party because no one care about me , they thought i went to party just to enjoy myself up but they dont know that i party because i just wanna make myself happy . they dont know the reason why i party . i party because they make me to party . i party so that i could get rid of stress . i party so that i dont have to think anything . all i wanna be is just being happy . but they dont see it . i cant stay at home and i always go out . they dont understand why do i go out . i go out because i dont know whut to do at home cause no one talk to me . i go out because i know i do have a life out here . i go out so that i could kill this boredom of mine . i go out because i just wanna be happy and not to think about anything . but they dont get it . yes i went out late and come home late but they dont know the reason why i did that . they dont know that i came home late because i know no one would care . i went home late because i feel that im not important to them . i went home late so that they have their time enjoying at home with their daughter and their son . i went home late because i dont want to disturb their moments . i went home late because i dont want to be the burden for them to make me feel left out at home . i went home late so that i could spend myself outside with the people that understand me and be happy . yes i was stubborn . i was stubborn because i felt like there's no use of me staying in this house . im stubborn because i know whutever i do is nothing for me . they dont see the best of me , all they say was the bad side of me . its true that im happy enough because atleast they took care of me , my health , my expenses and my meals but i know i dont belong here . i miss my real mom and my dad but i dont show it . i dont show it because i know my dreams wont ever come true . whut i want is to just meet my real mom and dad and spent my time with them but its difficult for me cause they've divorced ever since i was small and my life is in a mess . they dont know that everything is actually their fault . because of them , their daughter become like this . they only think of themselves when doing decision without thinking of me .am i that bad or whut ? they dont even think of my future all they think was their own good . now look at me ? whut do i left ? im left with nothing . i stayed with my uncle and aunty when i was small till now . glad that they took care of me till im all grown up now but for sure i do need my mom and dad too . now where are they ? busy with their life without even thinking of me . all they thought was that im happy with my life and been enjoying themselves . yes im happy , happy on the outside . but inside ? am i happy ? for sure im not .do i even exist towards them ? no im not . no one understand me . no one . everyone thought that im the bad one but do they know why i become like this ? because no attention was given from them since im small k . so please stop blaming me for becoming like this . i tried so hard to be good but no one see it . all they saw was that im the bad person . maybe they'll realised it and notice everything only after im gone . but at that time , all i gotta say is , its too late . toooo late to notice everything . all i want is just to be happy . and im still trying to find the happiness in me . goodnight .

my love my life my apple of my eye

im back again w my blogging after so long of neglecting it . well blogging helps me to let out everything on whut i feel inside and outside of my heart . to make it short , i share all my feelings and thoughts thru blogging cause i know blogging makes me feel so much better . well i had a great quality time with my boyf after those misunderstandings among us . know whut ? i feel so empty without him around my side cause he has been the only one that have always been by my side and know me inside out of me . im so much happier whenever he's around me . always give me all this time with me despite of him having difficult time with his NS life . but so far , as i can see , we changed to be better . well i cant say that i do have a perfect r/s but by having him by my side , he makes everything perfect . its true that we had our ups and downs but through all those shits , it makes us stronger so that we know our mistakes and we learn from it . thanks for everything b . nothing much i could tell you , its just that i want you to know that i do love you so deeply inside of me . im nothing when your not around . i've lost you once and i cant bare to lose you again for the second time . well everyone deserve second chance isnt it ? after a month of us not contacting and all , i felt nothing . im lonely . no one is there for me . none understand me .  no one is there t bring me out almost every weekends . no one b . trust me , thats the very miserable feeling ever . its true that i tried so hard to move on so that i could get rid of you but my mission is failed . i tried so hard . i lied if i told you that im over you . im still not over you . your still there in my mind everywhere i go . now i hope this time round we could make it thru , we're almost going to half a year and i hope we'll last . i had enough of shits . sorry if all this while im always the one thats giving you troubles . always show you my attitude and not giving the best of me to show you how much i love you . well i sucks at showing you but i'll try ok ? i'll do anything just for you b hehe . thanks for being so understanding nowadays . i hope this behaviour of yours will remain like this forever as long as we are together . maybe im not your first , but i'll show you that i'll be your last . maybe i cant give you everything that you wants , but i'll try to work hard for it to make you happy . maybe i cant be the best of the best but i will do it for you . maybe i cant be like those girls who'll always hang outs with their bfs but im sure one fine day we will . we'll grow old together ok . i cant promise you anything for now but i know it will come true. lots of love from me to you . love you forever my dear sweetheart . see you tommorow . xoxo

tonight , i felt something is not right somewhere . i just felt that somethings around me is telling me that there's something fishy going on . its really hard for me to know which is which but well maybe im too insecure over nothing . these few days , i dont feel quite good cause idk whut is it that my heart actually wanted to tell me . but hell fucking fuck , i just felt that something bad is really happening . i hope this is just my feelings , i hope this isnt real cause im not ready to face any shits yet . all i was hoping for was the best of me and my boyf . i miss my boyf alot now . i just felt nothing when he's not around and i hope he knows that all this while i love only him . if he didnt see(s) it maybe because i didnt give the best of me to show him but i hope he realised it one day on how big is my love towards him . i dont ask for more when i have him by my side . really b , i do love you alot . please do take note that i dont want to lose you for the second time . please i said please . -ikaaizzuenia- xoxo .

shits do happen in our life sometimes . as always , problems after  problems keeps on catching you but all you have to do is to sit down and chill and keep telling to yourself that everything is gonna be alright . in r/s there's always ups and downs . times when we were happy and times when we were sad .  i cant tell that im having a perfect r/s but hey , in r/s there's always obstacles and challenges in it . and its because its testing us whether or not we could cope it  . arguments and quarreling is normal for a start and im glad that even after a while we've argued , we get back normally and settle things down in a slow talk and in a nice way . i dont know why but i really find the r/s im having now is different . its hard for me to handle . but i know , patience is there to accompany me all this while . after knowing ajip , i can see he is the type of a guy if he loves someone , he is willing to do anything for his women including sacrifice all his time eventho he's tired . he is willing to do anything for me , sacrifice all his time just on me and to know that im safe under his protection . i have to admit , he is also a strong guy whom never give up easily even how hard the situation is . im sorry if im always making the trouble all this while , i just hope after the talk that we had confessed towards each other , will make our r/s become stronger . just so you know , i love you with whole lot of my heart (: no other is capable of being as sweet as you . thank you dear xx . he's trying to understand me , going out with my friends while he is in camp so that it can kill my boredom after 5 days of being alone outside . have some time with my friends is not a problem afterall . where else friends are the important people in my life , they are the reason why we are happy everyday by giving us all their supports and by giving us all the good advices so that we're not stressed out too much . special thanks to my boyfriend for being an understanding one . and also i believe that in r/s we need to have trust on each other and trust is very important for me . and im glad that both of us has put the trust on each other so that its easy for us to cope on our r/s . i promise , i wont let you down . i'll be your last , you want to be my husband remember ? so lets make it happen . love you b , thanks for everything . i dont know whut more to show you how big is my love for you . you are the reason why im looking forward to everyday and also the reason why love is special for me . till we meet again on your bookout day love , me love you alot  . 

with love , your girlfriend - ikaaizzuenia xoxo

hello february.

so hi guise , back to blogging again after being busy lately with my stuffs , bf , friends , family and etc . well , its the beginning of February today . time flies so fast yet we didnt notice it . i hope this time round , february will be a better month for me . xx . so far , on the past of january , everything went smoothly . just had a recent chalet of 2 days 1 night with my familia at downtown east and bf was there too ! we sleepover at the chalet without our parents around . just me , bf ,cousins and friends . i swear we really had a good time . well atleast im happy to know that my bf can get along with my family . auhmm . so besides the chalet , i also had a great time spent all along january and im hoping it to maintain that way forever . So since its the 1st of february today , glad to know that its friday and it means that my boyf is booking out today ! yay really cant wait to meet him later . much misses . and oww yes , 14 more days to my 19th . oh god why time flies so fast why oh why . im still loving my sweet 18th life lah hais .but whatever it is , im feeling very anxious for my birthday cause boyf wanna bring me to somewhere special and i really cant wait for it . hehe . whats great is that , on my birthday itself is also my monthsary with boyf . oww yes how can i not be excited for this ? this is my first time celebrating my birthday with le boyf , i hope it'll be a blast one . mhmm what else ? okay i've made up my mind to change my iphone 4 to S3 cause my current phone is really a need to throw in the rubbish chute i swear . so slow so lagging and of course , so leceh. i hope dad will buy for me that phone hehe . and of course a good news for me is that i might be starting work on the 25th of feb for H&M . hope i'll get the jurong outlet once its open . i cant bare to work at town needa go thru and fro back to woodlands . its gonna be sucha tiring and troublesome for me . but whatever outcomes gonna happen , i shall just accept it . its time to earn money and be serious with future already . no more enjoying and shaking legs at home . and most importantly , i shall save money and will try to enroll by end of this year , insyallah . le boyf were also train-ed very hard to aim for firefighter course . whutever it is , im proud of him . hope he'll get the course that he wants , i'll be here supporting him no matter what (: so yeah , i think till here for today , i really need to hit the sack now since boyf is coming back home in a few hours time . hehe . gdnight guise . xoxo

 - ikaaizzuenia

my love my llife

each and everyday , you make me feel wanted and treating me very well indeed . i love the way on how you pampered me all this while . the sacrifices and the times that you had made for the both of us is really appreaciated . you gave everything that you had just for me and i can see how deep is your love towards me . its only the 2nd and a half month for us in this r/s and this is just the beginning . we have to go thru alot of shits and alot of ups and downs together on the upcoming days . our 3rd month is coming which falls on my birthday itself (: i hope this r/s is gonna be my last . InsyaAllah . baby , as you know , never have i loved a guy this much like i love you . thanks for everything . no other can treat me well like how you did . i will never fail to tell you how much i love you almost everyday . by saying i love you is not enough for me , nevertheless , i will prove it to you . you were there when i need you the most . giving me the strength to make me fall in love again . you were there to make me smile again when im down and you were there to wipe off my tears away and hug me when im sad . whut more could i ask for ? you were so perfect for me . you understand me well enough . sorry if im sucha annoying girlfriend hehe but atleast you can see it in your own eyes how deep is my love for you . never in my life feel this happy before . you are the reason why im looking forward to everyday . well i guess , time is really hard on us due to your NS but its okay , i'll be waiting . all this takes time and patience and patience leads to everything . i'll be there to support you on your career . do whatever is best for you okay . just so you know im happy to see you change to be a better man . i hope this r/s will last like how we planned and may our plan will be a success . you'll be my last and i'll make sure it will came true . i want to live my life with you forever and i mean it . take good care of yourself while you were in camp . will fetch you up on your book out day which is this friday okay . goodnight dear , i love you , only you . xoxo

-ikaaizzuenia

mi amor

a month has passed , eventho it is only for a month us being together , i felt like it has been years with him . he is the only one that always there when i need him . always the one sacrifice all his time on me and also always never fails to make me smile . thank you for making me smile back again love . how can i not love you ? hehe . i spent almost my everyday with him and now when he is enlisted for national service , we couldnt spent so much time together . the only days was on weekends . but atleast , he tried his best to spent his time on me eventho he is tired . hehe . i've been going out alot nowadays with baby and friends . i really enjoyed it so much . thank you baby for all your sacrifices . sorry kalau i irritating asyik nak keluar aje hehe . but i know you still love me no matter what :P we'll go thru together ok , yang penting kita nak tunang ! so lets make it happen ok . i love you b . so .......... much . xoxo

xoxo

its funny how days past so fast without even us knowing or realising it . with a blink of an eye , my man has serve for his NS today . proud to see him serving his NS as a Civil Defence Force . hoping for you to train hard and focus on your carrier okay hunny . i'll be here always supporting you from behind . hope things between us wont change despite on this challenges for a boy to change to men and serve the nation . the fact when i sent you off earlier on just now , my heart dropped to see you walk away leaving me . well atleast , i gotta accept the fact that you really have to go . will be seeing you on this friday which is on our very special date , 14th . even its just our 1st month being together , i really learnt alot from you . thanks for everything love . i dont ask for more when i have you all by my side . even if anything is stopping us , i can see you really try your very best to win my heart and thats the reason why i love you with whole lot of my heart . thank you for tolerating my nonsensical behaviour throughout the days we've been together i hope , this will last . its really worth the time knowing you and never in my mind will ever leave you again . i left you once , and i dont wanna lose you again for the second time . trust me , i'll always be here with you thru thick and thins okay . time now is 2.09am , here i am blogging all alone on my bed while waiting for the time to strike 4.30am , the time where you will wake up and fall in . im waiting for your call , even how long it will takes , i wont give up to wait for you to call . even if its only 5 mins of us talking , it really made my day . by hearing your voice only for a little while , it really will make me smile (: somehow patience leads to everything right ? i know its hard for you to make your time with family , NS and me . but atleast even the slightest time when im with you , you really never fails to make me laugh . i thanked god for letting me to get to know you and meet you . without you around , i dont know what will i be . you are the reason why i change to be better and the definition of what love was meant to be  . i love you boyf and yes i'll love you now , today , tommorow and forever it will be . till here for now  . lots of love - ikaa izzuenia xoxo 

MySaturday

hello guise .

well my saturday was a well spent with baby , hazmidar and nurullah . well so called double date i should say . went over to marina square to meet up with hazmidar and nurullah after so long of not meeting each other . a catchup session lah kononnya . the plan was actually to play bowling but then we decided to catch a movie called "stolen" but ................. tickets were sold out tho . thought of going cineleisure to catch the movie but the tickets and the timing is out of out timing too so plan was a lil bit screwed . oh wells so we just roamed over marina square . window shopping and all . it was a great day ! so then we had our meal at Long John silver after which we planned to just chill over at MBS and just slack to take some pictures and to see the view and the surroundings . feeling feeling tourist lah gitu . hehe . oh and yes guess whut ?our monthsary date is the same . its 14th ! auhmmm . which means we can celebrate both our monthsary together . so excited !

our plan was to go to the top of  MBS for a swim at the pool at the rooftop . woahhhhh tell me how can i not be excited ? hehe i really cant wait . well hopefully the plan will work out . or if not at the pool , we should go somewhere interesting . ice skating maybe ? auhmmm . ok back to the topic , after MBS , we went to separate ways , hazmidar and her boyf head to meet her boyf's dad while me and my boyf head down to amk to watch soccer . Singapore vs Laos . 4-3 bro ! haha . we went over to Amin's crib for dinner while watching soccer and about 12 , we head home . thank god i managed to catch the last train . pheww . well i've upload some pictures of our day here . there's more but i only managed to upload this two . hehe pon bolei lah . overall , i really had a lot of fun today . hope to meet them real soon again . luv you guise . xx 

we shall go out again more often till 14th of november huh .... mwa . till here i guess . gdbye and goodnight everyone . xoxo . 

TGIF !

hey guise , well its friday the 30th of nov today . whats the plan for today ? well , im going over to jurong lata on for my arwah makcik's 40 days tahlil . hais days pass by so fast huh . so basically im having a insomnia last night . i cant get to sleep eventho i force myself to . and finally , i slept at 7am -.- and woke up at 1pm , hais wake up so early for whut ? -.- macam baru tido sekejap abei tetibe daa terbangon . merepek btol lah body clock aku ni . its friday , supposed to meet up with b , but he's having his last min job to do sigh . we could have meet up for breakfast just now :( its okay , work is more important , atleast there's some money for him to work on to for his expenses and all . 

ah yes , im addicted to my blog song right now . it has been replaying in my mind all along . haha . sorry kalau lagu ni annoyed korang but kalau tak suke just click the stop button okay . im fucken hungry right now . and im craving for cockles kway teow now haha mana nak dapat ? causeway point daa tak ade baquet susah gila nak carik makan sekarang . yang ade pon kopitiam lah ape merepek abei makanan melayu satu kedai yang lain kedai cina mcm pukimak dia kita melayu takde makan . bodoh punye manusia . 

ps : i dont know whut more do you want from me after all i know we're done with everything so please stop finding fault with me . im trying to be happy here so please dont snatch my happiness away . you with your life , me with my life . im not disturbing you so please do not disturb me . dont have to be the keyboard warrior telling the whole fucking net about me or whutsoever but when we bumped into each other , you acted like as if you did nothing wrong . like hello ? bila aku cakap pasal kau , kau tak terima abei bile kau cakap pasal aku , asal bolei hembus taknak cakap ? dont play with fire honey , i wont start if you didnt start . please whutever it is , just get the fuck off and mind your fucking business . im done with you so please leave me a l o n e . kalau tak happy tu kau punya pasal yang penting aku happy dengan hidop aku sekarang so jangan nak treat aku macam dalam hidop kau yang tak seberapa tu k . manusia macam kau mmg tak suke tengok orang senang , kau cube pikir siket kalau kau tak suke tengok hidop orang lain senang , kau pikir hidop kau akan senang jugak pe ? Tuhan itu maha adil , i'll just let him take the place to hit you back . assalamualaikum (: 

never in my life to ever loved someone too much like how i love you so . your always there to light up my day when im down , always there to bring me back up when im falling , always there to tell me you love me without fail and you've been there for me thru all my ups and downs . thank god that i've found you . believe me , my love towards you is getting stronger and stronger each and everyday . i hope all the promises we've made , we can put it thru . remember what our plan was after your NS ? im really looking forward to it . even how hard the situation is with me , all i need is for you to stay . even how hard the challenges was , i hope you'll never give up on me . sorry if i've hurt you upon all the harsh words that came out from my mouth that had dissapoint you . i never meant to . i promise you it wont ever happen again .lets make this far and lets show the world we can make it thru . i dont mind what others gonna say about us cause i know we're gonna live happily ever after . haters gonna hate but they still gotta accept the fact that the people that they hate , gonna prove to them we can make it to the end . i love you with whole lot of my heart and i hope you feel the same way too . I Love You Aqil Fakhururazi .  mwa 

Hello Guise

decided to re-update my blog . well , its been awhile since i last updated my blog so here i am to update you guise for more upcoming stories . just fuck the past and kiss the future alright . feel free to pass by here any time soon alright . xoxo